Artist Statement: Ashley B.
Kansas City, MO
Clean Date: July 10, 2017
Favorite Media: Sculpture

Specs:

• Spray Paint on Plywood

• 50 in x 50 in

I have always loved making art since I was a young child. Although, I was constantly being told I was not good at it by teachers, family members, and therapists. I started to lose interest in making my artwork in middle school and almost gave up entirely in high school. I started using mind-altering substances when I was fourteen – a freshman in high school. Instead of making art to express my feelings, I started abusing substances to shield my feelings. I still continued to make some art for my classes through high school, but I was not passionate about what I was making. My artwork reflected overwhelmingly sorrow and was filled with symptomatic feelings of trauma. I just needed to get out of the toxic cycle I was putting myself through.

On the tenth of July of 2017, I experienced my first 24-hour period of being clean and sober, and I have had that great feeling since. I have genuinely never felt true love until I joined my recovery program. It took a while to adjust to people telling me that they love me and hugging me rather than screaming and yelling at me. This helped me learn to love myself, which meant I was finally confident in making art again.

I was continuously encouraged by the amazing people in the fellowship of my program. It wasn’t until 2019 when I was cleaning out my parent’s basement, filled with my old artwork from high school, that I realized how much my art had evolved. It was really emotional for me. I remember crying while flipping through the art and thinking “I wish my younger self knew how great things were going to get”. Comparing the artwork I make today relative to during my active addiction, you would think that they were from two completely different people.

Today, my artwork expresses my experiences. It is meant to call attention to invisible diseases and disorders. In this piece I call Finally, A Safe Home, I express how in my recovery group I felt unconditional love and acceptance for the first time. As someone who is part of the LGBTQ+ community in the Bible-Belt of the United States, I have always felt judged for my sexuality. My narcotics recovery group has never made me feel this way. I thank everyone in my recovery program for helping me learn to love myself again and building confidence in myself. If it wasn’t for these amazing people, I would not have picked art back up again. I have no clue where I would be today. Art has saved my life over and over again, and I hope anyone struggling with addiction would give art a chance to help heal their soul.