Artist Statement: Sarah B.
Hometown: St. Louis, MO
Sobriety Date: October 17, 2015
Favorite Media: Photography and Painting

Specs:

• Acrylic Paint on Canvas

• 18 in x 24 in

Communication in Isolation 

Art is really personal and communicates themes or ideas that have been ruminating in my head for a while. My art usually encompasses old and new parts of myself that I’m trying to understand or know better. Art is also a mediation. I am with each piece through the bad and good.

I am and always have been drawn to creating. When I was little I loved getting my hands messy in whatever I was creating. I’m naturally drawn to it. I love the physicality in painting or sculpting. I also create because it gives me a purpose in my life. It helps me sort through the things going on internally and helps me feel connected to something bigger than myself.

Sometimes I am prompted to create something by somebody. Maybe for a class or an event. Sometimes I’m hit with an idea of something I have to make and I can’t stop thinking about it until I make it. The process I go through of coming up with what I create is still a mystery to me and often reflects where I am in life.

Sometimes I feel completely uninspired and clueless on what to make but an idea always comes to the surface. Usually, it strikes me out of nowhere, and usually has to do with something I saw in real life that resonated with me, or a specific memory that's tied to something deeper within me. Occasionally a piece is abstract and completely about the material I’m working with. Whenever I have an idea come to me, I think it is my higher power working through me. I am so happy to have this part of myself back today. 

Communication is Isolation is communicating the longing for human connection. I was on a hike with my family when I saw this pair of shoes over a wire.  It was haunting to see this in real life because I don't know who put it there or why but I related to it so much.

Typically shoes over a telephone line are used to signal someone in secret. I spent many years of my life full of secrets and sneaking around in shame. Recovery has given me the gift of no longer having to hide or hold on to secrets, however being quarantined to my house, unable to physically be around the people I love, has been hard for me. I’ve spent time with some friends during this time, knowing it might go against what is probably safest for everyone. It feels like a secret that I don’t like but it is a necessity for me to stay sober, sane, and feel connected. Art also provides some sanity in this unknown world.

Art was impossible for me before recovery. Before recovery, I was scared of everything. I was terrified of what people thought of me and desperate for acceptance from everyone. Using and drinking created a protective shield, it gave me comfort that helped for a bit but came at a high price. I was living in a world with myself but I had no clue who I was. I was filled with so much pain and hatred it was too hard to turn inward and look at myself.

Art provides my protective shield now and it creates a healthier, happier space that allows for life’s ups, downs, and messiness.

During this time of quarantine, I have felt in many moments I’m moving backward. I’ve felt angry and frustrated with myself that my life doesn’t look or feel like I want it to. Creating during this time has reminded me that life doesn’t always go the way I (you) want it to and that's okay. Sometimes I have to turn around, start over, get ugly. It’s all a part of the process. Much like painting, all I have to do is keep showing up; and remember I am not alone.

Creating art helps me stay close to myself. It helps me through my recovery and sobriety. It helps me take moments to pay attention to what's going on in me and about healing those parts. It allows me moments to breathe, fail, and start again.